Sad Post Warning, cat died

Loving someone or something is dangerous. Love and trust are not the same thing by any means but they are interwound to some extent; to love someone, a free and independent creature, is to give them a piece your own heart that could so easily be used to hurt you… and you have no choice but to accept the risk of that because, at least for me, you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. I have been deliberately hurt many times by people I loved; it left me terrified to get close to anyone new just incase it happened all over again, something I’m only just starting to get over, but someone who I loved and who never hurt me, someone who was there through some of the hardest times of my life loving me back unconditionally was Bonny, my cat. And she is gone now.

Cat’s don’t live as long as people, she was always going to go one day but Bonnie was only 10, not old for a cat, she had many good years left in her but fate, in all it’s compassionless wisdom, decided it was her time and she suddenly wasn’t here to lie on my bed or steal crisp crumbs from the table or hiss at and punch her brother or make biscuits on me when I am having a panic attack. 

I loved that cat and I miss her so much. I hope that she is happy wherever the universe sent her and I pray the piece of my heart I gave her is there too, keeping her company. It hurts a lot but I don’t regret loving her. I will cherish the time we spent together and be grateful for all the things that remind me of her, even though it makes me cry to do so because she was worth at least that much.

Sorry for the sad post, it’s been a few weeks since it happened and I thought I should say something. Before I became a cat person I would have thought someone grieving so strongly over a cat was strange, given their reputation as being antisocial, but that reputation isn’t fair and if you’re part of a cat pack then you really do feel the love. I hope you’re all doing okay, I love you.